Something New by Patti Kake
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Very hot. I love college roommate stories, especially lesbian stories. In this story, Janie wants a guy who is out of her league. Delilah convinces Janie that she can give her the experience she needs to get the guy.
Except they both get hung up on each other and the pleasure to be found between two women. This college roommate story is particularly steamy with tons of hot, lesbian sex. I love that.
What keeps me from awarding the extra star is 1) Mechanics. There are some wonky comma issues- Run on sentences, commas where they don't belong, commas needed where they don't exist. 2) Repetition. Sometimes there's a little too much. 3) Names vs. descriptions. It would make for a smoother read if you say things like "the blond did such and such" or "the skinny girl did..." It would keep you from repeating their names over and over. It's tough when the characters are the same gender. It's easy to confuse pronouns. Giving some descriptive phrases helps.
I enjoyed this a lot. I look forward to watching your writing grow. (You'll be surprised how quickly that happens!) Excellent work, Patti Kake!
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