Hey! I've Moved My Blogging to My Website

And it features #filthyrottendirty #NextChapter s. 

You should head to https://www.patientlee.net/blog to check it out. I'm not saying I'm not posting here anymore, but who knows.

Mamma Mia! It's Been Months!

I've Been Out of Touch for Awhile

I know. It's been awhile, but I've been busy. Actually writing for a change, which is nice. I'm participating in Camp NaNoWriMo. I'm working on two different projects, a children's novel (which is so much harder than I thought) and a smutty adult novel, the first installment of The Pious Hotwives' Club.

Pious hotwives? Yep. Our Catholic housewives read some smutty books in their book club and experiment with swinging. It will probably end up as ridiculous as it sounds, but the sex is wicked hot. As of today, I'm a couple thousand words short of my 50,000 words in July goal, but my kids have hockey camp next week, so I'm counting on having writing time then.

Mamma Mia! (Spoilers, but the movie had few surprises anyway. The trailers were quite thorough.)

I took my daughter to see Mamma Mia 2 today. I don't go to the movies often, so when I do, I spread my opinion as much and as often as a slutty cheerleader's legs. 

The movie was fun. The music made me dance in my seat and mouth every word. There are some seriously good looking men and women to delight the eyes. I truly loved it, but there were some head-scratch moments, too. Not as strange as in Pitch Perfect 3, but still worth mention for the sake of discussion. 

One of the best things about this sequel was the casting. Not only were the younger versions of the main characters believable, it took me half the movie to be sure Christine Baransky wasn't playing the role of her younger self herself! 

Jessica Keenan Wynn as Young Tanya, Lily James as Young Donna, and Alexa Davies as Young Rosie

The casting for the young men was just as good. Young Sam (Jeremy Irvine) sang about as *ahem* well as Pierce Brosnan, and the other two nailed the personalities of the original actors. Not only did the good choices of actors keep me loving every minute of the movie, I wasn't distracted by comparing the young to old, which I expected.

The plot was so-so, which wasn't surprising. I didn't really understand why Meryl Streep's character had to be dead. I wondered if she had a falling out with the people in charge because I didn't know she would make an appearance at the end. It seemed to me as if the inspiration for the movie was the absolutely spectacular ending (which I cried all the way through), and the writers thought it would be a stronger emotional tug if Donna were dead. 

The basic story is that Sophie renovates the hotel from the shambles we saw in the first movie in honor of her deceased mother. She plans a huge party for celebrities and the press, with the help of a new character, Fernando Cienfuegos, played by Andy Garcia. I wondered what his real role in the story was until Cher showed up. 

And while I'm on the topic of Cher, the trailers spoiled what should have been the biggest, funnest surprise of the whole movie. The reaction I had when I saw her in the commercial should have happened in the movie theater. I would have jumped up and clapped. 

There are other weird things and story lines that bugged me a little. Rosie and Bill should have showed up together, married and in love. Their break-up between movies didn't create tension or add to the enjoyment of the story. Their reunion wasn't special enough to make up my disappointment that they didn't stay together. (I also wanted Harry to be married. Or at least dance with the Greek customs officer at the party. Harry is one of my favorite characters, both the original and the young version, trying to be spontaneous. Colin Firth is excellent, and so is Hugh Skinner.)

Another tense relationship I didn't care for was Sophie and Sky. I would have been happier if he just wasn't sure he'd make it for the party. There would have been enough tension for a musical without the downer of Sky being kind of a jerk. 

The women in this movie can sing, that's for sure. I couldn't get enough of any of them. Lily James, Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried, and Cher were absolutely spectacular, and I wanted to be listening to the soundtrack on the way home. The men weren't as good overall, but they looked good, and that was enough for me. 

I don't know whether I was surprised that they reused so many of the songs or if I was just pleased that they did. The movie wouldn't have hit the mark for me without Mamma Mia, Dancing Queen, Super Trouper (the performance at the end). I did miss Take a Chance on Me as much as I missed Fernando in the first movie, but they couldn't repeat the whole thing, I guess. 

The background music was wonderful, weaving in so many ABBA songs in this movie and the first. I LOVED that they had a soft rendition of Slipping Through My Fingers while they approached the church for the baptism. 

And oh. That baptism. Masterfully put together duet for Sophie and Donna (with Young Donna kicking it off), weaving back and forth in time from Young Donna to Ghost Donna. I wasn't familiar with the song beforehand (My Love, My Life), but it was so beautiful and so touching. My sweatshirt sleeve was drenched with tears. Even if the rest of the movie was terrible (which it was NOT), it would be worth it for this scene. 

I'm giving this one 4.5 out of 5 whatevers. I think I was using candy canes as my rating system. LOL. The -.5 is for the plot and the attempts at tension which I didn't like. Everything else was delightful, and I will probably see this one fifteen times. 

OK. Back to NaNo. I'm so far behind. 

Love,

Filthyrottendirty Excerpt: Milkweed & Gossamer

Who Needs a Filthyrottendirty Dose of Patient Lee? 

From Milkweed & Gossamer- a new adult romance. 

When the food was gone, Jaime showed him the fish pond at the other end of the garden. They sat on a wooden bench, watching the enormous red and white Koi swim through the shallow water. The incandescent lights at the bottom of the man-made pond cast a soft glow on the corner of the garden. “This is my favorite spot in the world,” Jaime said. “I come in here at night all the time.”

“It’s very romantic,” Josh said with a soft smile on his lips.

“Romantic?  That’s the first time I’ve heard a guy use that word!”

“What? It is!” he said. “The lights, the sound of the water, the smell of the roses, the girl next to me . . . ”

They kissed again. This time Josh slid his hands under the hem of her shirt. She giggled when his fingertips trailed over her belly. “I’m sorry,” he said, pulling his hands out. “I’ll stop.”

“No!” she said with definitive force. “You’re just tickling my tummy.”

“Oh. So, you’d rather I move my hands up a little higher? Is that what you’re telling me?” He wagged his fingers again, bringing another fit of giggles. She grabbed his wrists and pushed his hands right up to the lace cups of her bra.

“No,” she said, holding her hands over his, as if she was cupping her own breasts. “I’m telling you that I’m terribly ticklish, so don’t touch me there.”

“But here’s good?” he said, rubbing her nipples with his thumbs.

“Yes. Very good.” She relaxed and let her hands fall to Josh’s thighs. Her hand trailed closer to his fly, and he shuddered.

“You’re making me hard, Milkweed,” he said in a raspy voice. “I’m just warning you.”

“Right here? Is this where you’re hard?” She placed her hand over his bulge and gave it a squeeze through the denim. 

“Oh, yeah. Right there.” His voice was a moan.

Josh’s brain relinquished control and let his cock do the thinking. He moved his hands up higher on her chest, lifting her shirt and revealing the red lace on the cups of Jaime’s bra. He tipped his head to get a better look at her tits, and then he slid his hands back down, inside the cups this time. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, the moan in her exhale giving him permission to proceed. 

“Can I take your shirt off?” he whispered. 

“Uh-huh.” She nodded and moved her arms to make it easier to remove. Her braid got caught on the butterfly-shaped button on the pocket of the shirt, causing her to yelp at the tug. 

“Shh!” Josh warned, smiling at her while he fought to untangle her hair.

“Ow,” she said, quieter this time. “It’s a good thing our house is so far down the road.  All we’d need is for Dad to hear me hollering in pain.”

While Josh wrestled with the shirt, Jaime reached behind her back and unhooked her bra.

He finally got the shirt free, and he caught the first glimpse of her bare breasts. His mouth dropped open. Her perfect little tits, her nipples standing straight out of their centers enticed him. In the dim light of the fish pond, he couldn’t determine the color of her nipples, but he dropped his head and took them in his mouth, first the left then the right. 

“Oh, my god, Josh. That feels so good,” she said in a shaky voice. 

He flicked his tongue over the hard nubs and wondered if she had ever sucked a cock. He knew she was a virgin—Scott had been quite clear on that point—but lots of high school girls gave blowjobs. Josh had received a few at high school and college parties from girls that were desperate for attention, but it had been a long time since he had a pair of lips wrapped around his cock. Oh, please, he thought to himself. Please let me get lucky.

He was lucky.

Available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, iBooks, Google Play, and Kobo. Check it out at Patientlee.com.

Is It Summer Yet?

For me
March is like a black hole.
It sucks
The joy out of my soul.

And why
Do I hate March so much?
It has
My spirit in its clutch.

April
Can bring violence.
School days
Are just so fucking tense.

In May
I start to feel some hope.
Sunlight
Can help me start to cope.

But June
It is my favorite.
I know
It will be summer, yet.

Product Review: Butterfly G-Spot Vibrator

Get it from Manshop for $11.99.

The Butterfly G-Spot Vibrator

I gave this one away in March for my Muffin's Change event. That little beauty tortured me from its package for months, so when hubby felt frisky yesterday, he set out to buy this one for me. If you're more patient. (yes, Patient Lee hears the irony) click here to get it from Manshop for $11.99. (I paid more for it on another site for my giveaway, much to my dismay.)

​When he got to the store, he found the Platinum Edition, which he purchased. If you have a couple extra bucks, click here to check it out.I think it's worth it. 

Get it from Manshop for $21.95.
#recommendedbypl

Here's what I thought:

​The shape is enticing. It's made of "flexible rubber jelly," which made it pleasant to the touch, even just on the fingers. Mine is pink, but all three available colors look great. 

​

The original Butterfly has three speeds only. The Platinum beats the hell out of the original with six additional settings with different vibration patterns. I'll confess, I didn't use the three original settings. I'm all about the switch up.

I took it into the shower with me, put it in place and washed my hair. It was pleasant and fun. It's a good size, so it stayed put without much trouble. Until I tried to wash my feet. That was comical, but I managed not to drop it. I'd like to try it in the bath sometime. 

​

After my shower, I positioned myself comfortably on my bed and found some porn. Then I got serious about getting off. It isn't easy for me, and I have a tendency to burn out battery-operated toys. I'm happy to say that the Butterfly still worked after the Big O. (I just got it yesterday. I may change my mind the next time I pick it up. Who knows?)

At one point, I was thinking it was too much because I thought I was losing sensation around my clit. When I investigated, I realized it had twisted around, and it was only the vibrations from the internal part I was feeling on my clit. I laughed at myself, repositioned it, and got back to business.

​

Not only did it get me off, it got me off HARD. It's a good thing no one was home because I was LOUD. 

​

I love waterproof toys. I never feel as though I can wash a non-waterproof vibrator thoroughly enough, so I tend to use condoms with those. That's a definite selling point for the Butterfly Kiss.

​

This is mine. Get your own!

The size is quite nice. My favorite, go-to toy is my Magic Wand, but it's quite heavy, and my hands get tired from holding it. This one stayed in place with no hands when I was lying down. It's much lighter, too, so gravity wasn't pulling it out of position. 

​

One criticism is the noise, but I guess I could have gagged myself. I'm kidding! The device itself was quieter than the Wand, but I would still worry that someone would hear from the other end of the house. 

​

There was also no option to use the vibration patterns on a lower setting, and I think it could be too much for some women. That's just a guess though. 

​

Last criticism, I swear. Perhaps I'm not as smart as I think I am, but I couldn't turn the damn thing off. The on button cycled through the rest Not a problem when you're on dry land. Just twist to open the battery case on the handle. The problem is in the shower. If you decide to turn it off to save your batteries while you shave your legs, you can't open the battery compartment to shut it off without destroying the vibrator. 

Overall Impression: #recommendedbypl

If you have a clitoris, I'm pretty sure you'll like this toy. If you can get a quick orgasm out of other toys, you'll probably like the original model. If you're like me, and you prefer something with variety, shell out the extra ten bucks. And you might want to pick up a gag while you're at it. I'm pretty sure the neighbors knew I was coming. 

Hexborn: Can a Child of War Fight for Peace?

One of my very favorite authors is A.M. Manay, and she has some incredibly exciting news. Her Young Adult, High Fantasy novel, Hexborn, is in the middle of a Kindle Scout campaign. She needs our help with nominations.

If you haven't read her stuff yet, you should. I don't usually enjoy paranormal or vampires, but her November Snow series is one of the best things I've ever read. Twice. I'm gonna ask you to trust me on this and click here to nominate this book for Kindle Scout. Please. You have nothing to lose, and an excellent author has EVERYTHING to gain. The campaign ends March 9. Please click now. 

Patient Lee and A.M. Manay thank you!

Here are the details:

Author: A.M. Manay
Cover Design: Eeva Lancaster, www.thebookkhaleesi.com
Genre: Young Adult High Fantasy

Kindle Scout link:
https://kindlescout.amazon.com/p/2Q22TVKET6NES

Kindle Scout Campaign: Feb. 8 – March 9, 2018

Tag line: Can a child of war fight for peace?
Mini-blurb: Hexborn. Abomination. Unclean. Young Shiloh knows exactly what she is. Her missing hand and the world at large are ever ready to remind her. Outcast she may be, but her broken body hides great magical power. The king’s servant Silas seeks to use that power to preserve the uneasy peace the kingdom has enjoyed since the end of the Siblings’ War. He'll slit her throat if she threatens it instead. Will Shiloh prove her worth? Or will past sins rise to destroy Shiloh, Silas, and the kingdom of Bryn?

Trailer: https://youtu.be/AC78jhZ5q4Q
Contact info and social media: Email: ammanay@gmail.com
Website: www.ammanay.net
Blog: http://www.ammanaywrites.blogspot.com
Facebook: facebook.com/ammanaywrites
Twitter: @ammanay
Instagram: instagram.com/a.m.manay
Amazon author page: amazon.com/author/ammanay

Jars of Dead Things, Bradley

I like to write dreams. Mine are vivid and complex, even though they don't always make sense.

I dream about snakes all the time. Snakes in cages, snakes in baskets, snakes under the couch. Friendly snakes, snakes on the attack, dead snakes. All kinds of snakes.

One summer my family took home the corn snake from the biology class next door. (The same teacher who inspired Mrs. Maitland's SAD Valentine with her idea to mate her pythons for Valentine's Day. Her female snake wasn't a healthy weight for breeding, so she had to scrap her plan, but for Mrs. Maitland, it went much more smoothly.) I enjoyed our temporary pet until the night I dreamt that I sautéed him. I cut him in three and cooked him in garlic and butter. Ralph Scampi, I guess.

After that dream, I was terrified of him. As if he knew I'd had a wicked plan for him.

Anyway. Here is a snakey excerpt from Mrs. Maitland's SAD Valentine.

 

 

While others dreamt of roses and lovers and sex on that Valentine’s Night, Brad dreamt of snakes and dead things in jars.

In his dream, he stood in Mrs. Maitland’s classroom, staring at the Jars of Dead Things. The lights weren’t on, and the sun had dropped below the horizon, but the last vestiges of daylight allowed him to see the contents of the glass-paneled cabinet. As he looked from jar to jar, he felt the familiar mix of revulsion and shame he knew so well when he was in high school.

Just like he always had, he started at the bottom shelf, looking at the tapeworms and the starfish and the other faceless creatures, swimming in formaldehyde ponds. The second shelf held the kinds of creepy-crawlies you wouldn’t want to see up close, but were fascinating from the safety of a tightly closed jar—a hornet, a scorpion, a brown recluse spider.

Movement on the third shelf caught his eye. Before he could even lift his gaze, the snake’s head hit the glass with a single knock. Brad tried to jump back, but his shoes were bolted to the floor. The snake was thin and about three feet long. He didn’t know what kind it was, but it wasn’t one of Mrs. Maitland’s pythons. It disappeared behind the jars.

Brad turned his head to look over his shoulder, which he wouldn’t have risked during biology class. The room was three times its usual length, and even in the dream, he was overwhelmed by the amount of cleaning it would require. The desks stretched in long, crooked rows which would take half his night to straighten.

Mrs. Maitland’s animal cages had been replaced by tall stacks of papers on every available surface. Her posters and skeletons and drawings and photographs had disappeared. The walls were bare except for the Emergency Eye Wash instruction poster and the fire exit sign. 

“Look at the Jars of Dead Things, Bradley,” he heard behind him. “Maybe they’ll remind you to come to class prepared.”

Mr. Morgan? He retired last year. What the fuck was he doing here?

A projection screen the size of the front wall had been pulled down in front of the chalkboard, and Brad’s stomach lurched when he smelled the almost-but-not-quite banana scent of dry erase marker. His palms were sweating as he searched his pockets for a pencil. He was falling behind, and he hadn’t even taken out his notebook yet. Mr. Morgan was about to erase the screen and fill it with another page of nonsense words, and he hadn’t found anything to write with.

He heard Morgan’s voice again. “Jars of Dead Things, Bradley. If you can’t participate in class, at least educate yourself with the Jars of Dead Things. Look on the third shelf. Learn something.”

Third shelf. Animals with faces. He hated the third shelf. 

He felt the second snake slithering across his ankles before he saw it. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, and he remained frozen in place. After circling his shoes twice, it slithered toward the teacher’s desk. This one was much longer, maybe five or six feet. Brad wondered if it was poisonous. It wasn’t a python, but he had no idea what it was.

“Third shelf, Bradley,” Mr. Morgan said again. Third shelf. A miniature shark. A frog. A chick. All bleached white. 

And then his eyes rested on the fetal pig. His stomach lurched as it always did. So tiny. Its features frozen forever. So sad. Shame and revulsion. If he could just be prepared for class, he wouldn’t have to look at this poor little piggy.

Another snake dropped from the ceiling, dangling right in front of him. This one was yellow with huge fangs that dripped venom.

He was suddenly aware of the scent of liquor and breath spray.

He tried to take a step only to find that his feet weren’t bolted to the floor. They stuck to the floor, held tight by some kind of adhesive. He could bring his foot up a couple of inches from the floor, but the glue immediately pulled it back to the ground, like in a cartoon.

A drop of poison fell from the snake’s mouth, landing on the tip of his nose. Brad tried to scream, but no sound came out. 

As he looked up at the monster hanging before him, snakes of all sizes and markings came out of the room’s cracks and crevices. They came from every direction, all converging on Brad. Their long bodies knocked over the piles of photocopies, scattering the papers to the floor in the slow motion only seen in nightmares. It would take all night to clean this room.

And he still couldn’t find his pencil.

The snake from the ceiling stretched toward him; its head touched his skin right below his ear. Again he tried to scream. He felt the snake’s scales on the back of his neck as it moved across him. It was still attached to the ceiling, and it seemed to get longer and longer. 

He felt it brush his other ear, and then he heard it speak. “Look at the Jarsss of Dead Thingsss, Bradley,” it hissed in his ear.

His bladder let go, and he woke up.

Now he could scream.